Every fat or an obese person has a dream in her/his deep corners of their minds to be in the category of having a slim body. Like the feminists, now there are some movements like the "PlusSoWhat" or models in extra size doing the ramp walks. But the thought of actually not being what you currently are, is always there. Those who say No to it are either lying or have given up.
Not that we are in that state (Being Fat) by choice. And to add the misery even if we get a thought to bring any change we have a huge battle to win. Oh Yeah, trust me when I say it, it is A Huge One to conquer. I remember my mother telling me stories about my childhood of the time when I was born. Everyone use to say that I was so heavy, not everyone use to relish the opportunity of lifting me. But soon as I turned 3-4 years of age, the clocks turned the other way. My body weight had become so light compared to my baby version that literally anyone could play with me. And that's where the weight fluctuation things had begun.
Everything was cool during my kindergarten and initial school days. But when I was in 3-4 STD the biggest event happened. I don't know what it was, nor do I recollect any specific name other than some kind of allergy as people around me use to say when talking about it. It started with my lips. I remember how they use to be swollen and it's colour use to turn blood red. Because of the bulging shape, I use to put handkerchief on my mouth to cover them. And this phenomena didn't stop with the lips. It continued. After lips it was my cheeks. Ofcourse, I won't deny that the air filled cheeks did get me a lot of attention. Even the cutest girl in the house wouldn't have the softest cheeks as I had.(Bit too much self compliment I guess :D) Next turn was of my stomach. Now here's where everything began.
Earlier, back in the 90s, there were real neighbourhoods. So problems or troubles any family faced were always shared with each other. I remember once when my mother was talking to my neighbour about my allergy problem which I was facing at that time. I surely can't recollect any words from that conversation but clearly remember the entire scene. We were standing on near their door with me ahead and m mother behind. My mother had lifted my T-shirt and showed my stomach when she was trying to explain how the swelling has now reached even on my stomach. I was then in Primary section or must have just checked in 5th STD. That was the time the stomach came out and till date it hasn't gone inside.
People always have this belief that just because someone is plus size means that person surely has a huge appetite. I don't remember eating any outside food, except on rarest occasion, until my Degree college days. For one simple reason, money wasn't a luxury I possessed. My actual pocket money started from Degree college days from when my savings started and through them the outings with friends. So till then my diet consisted only home cooked food. I still remember how excited I use to be when mother use to tell me or my brother to get few Batata Vadas or Bhaji for dinner when she didn't make vegetable for dinner. It use to be a mini party sort off. And once in a while we use to have dinner outside. And here I am talking about those days when eating outside was nothing more than festival. Even in my past two years journey I have realized it's not the food which you eat but the quantity and quality of food you consume, that matters. However I have one exception to this. Being in the obese category my body metabolism always does some funny tricks. A cheat meal also sometimes has a huge impact on the weighing scale. Which is the main reason why I do not choose to take any risk. Because, unlike earlier, now there will be too much at stake and I have Something to lose.
The remaining school days until Second Year of Degree college went just like that and confirmed the adjectives along with my name such as Mota, Jadya, Genda, Haathi, Saand, Bhains and what not. I don't remember who had told me but someone did suggest me or may be I had heard this somewhere. If any one teases you on your physical appearance, ask bluntly "Tere Baap Ka khata hai kya." A scared soul I am so don't know if I ever questioned that to anyone. Also most of the ones who used these terms were from the friends circle. So using it against them was I felt to be inappropriate. For even I use it for them too. What is that friendship if you call your friend by their real name. And I doubt any unknown person might have teased me as wherever I have been, be it school or College, or work. The decent simple people were also my friends and the thugs of the batch were also in my list. So support I always had behind me.
Now came the Final Year of my college days. Another time bomb exploded. Something which had a huge impact on my weight, but, in a positive way. I was diagnosed with jaundice. The reason why I mentioned Time bomb is because Jaundice spreads through water. And I had the ba habit of drinking water from anywhere so be it railway station or from the matkas kept by vada pav sellers and where not. This was a huge eye opener. I still remember I used to sleep for almost the entire day. If told to stand while going to the doctor, I couldn't stand on my own feet and someone had to hold me to take me while going to the dispensary. Well that experience in detail is for another day. But this event resulted in drop of weight by around 10-15 kilos and from 85 Kilos, I had gone in the range of 65-70 kilos. That's the first time the weight charts saw a downfall. Though I had hoped that it will be permanent. But I was wrong. Once I was normal and recovered fully the weight was back where it was. Though I had not realised the weight loss thing too much may be because of the weakness. But friends in college use to say, "Tu aadha ho Gaya hai".
So this event, though a huge one, but was for a temporary basis. As soon as I recovered from the jaundice the weight came back to somewhere around 85-86. I remember this because my family doctor had asked me check the same during the final stages of recovery check ups. He had then said, 'This should be your average weight, try and maintain it'. Well what did he know, I had aims to penetrate the skys.
Post college, I started working with a CA firm. Our work was mainly based in client places. And being the auditor we were always given a red carpet welcome and a royal treatment wherever we went. So for almost 4.5 years I had my one time meal outside. I know one time meal is a very modest way of putting it forward. I remember having a real powerful diet back then. We had been to many locations across Mumbai and also some out of town in 3-4 different states as well. Relishing anything and everything that came my way. To give even few glimpses from my diet I don't remember having a non butter Roti ever. Or for that matter I don't remember having a roti when menu had Cheese Nan. People can't finish one and I use to have at least two and rice thereafter. Not to miss out the starters and soup I must have already had before getting into the main course. In Mumbai food depended on places. When in Worli, lunch consisted of Two Big Grilled Sandwiches, (The Triangle Bread ones) One Jam butter toast and lassi as dessert. In the morning we use to order poha or upma in office. And in the evening, Batata Bhajji or Pizza as per the mood. Cheeslings or biscuits for normal munching used to be there. And apart from this I also use to have dinner and breakfast at home. I doubt there will be a vegetable in a normal Veg restaurant which I haven't tried. Get together with friends also meant eating in variety. On many days it use to happen that I want to drink water but stomach used to be so full until the throat that I can't even pour a drop in it.
I didn't need to eat any Maharaja bhog like there are in some of present days restaurants menu for my normal day appetite was of that size. So all this had led to a considerable rise in my weight. On one such outstation trip I happened to stand on the weighing scale which is meant for trucks and it was a factory. My colleagues went in to check my weight and, BWOY, it came out to be 100 Kilos. This was somewhere in 2011. I had finally hit a century. It wasn't a wake up call though. It just went away from the memory very soon and life was back to as it was.
Come 2015, I joined Radius. Until then there weren't much of adventure. I was at home. So only home food. No picnics or outings. It was very much restricted. So 2012-2015 was kind of a silence zone. Radius gave me one hell of a foodie friends list. We just use to love eating, exploring different places, different tastes. Since I had blackout for almost three years, this was a welcome break for my stomach. My life surely was missing some spice. And now the floodgates were opened again. Pouncing on whatever comes on your plate, no holds barred. I must confess sometimes I use to become a bit selfish. When I knew the order is made for samosas, I use to keep thinking on how will I get the maximum share in chutney. If the order consisted of Pototo Pakoda I use to think how I am going to get the lion's share. Such selfish instinct were there in me. Though another part of me always cared about sharing and ensuring everyone gets something from it. I remember one incident from my childhood which had a lasting impact on me. When we use to play cricket on the ground during summer vacations, water was a necessity. And unlike todays kids, we never carried water bottles to the groud. So we use to knock the ground floors and ask from them. Each one use to take 2-3 sips and then pass the bottle. So when my turn came there was one guy behind me too. I think it was the first time I was experiencing it, having water from someone elses house. Until then, whenever I am thirsty I use to drink water continuously till I had quenched my full thirst. But group rules were applicable when water is borrowed from someone else, which I wasn't much aware of. So when my turn came I just went on and on and on. And drank almost the entire bottle. The guy behind me was asking "Yarr ek sip toh De". But I didn't. In the end he got pissed off and said, "Paap lagel Tula". This one line I can still see his face, those expressions in front of my eyes as if it was spoken yesterday. And this always ensures that I don't steal someone else's bite, even if I am left empty stomach.
By now, I was like the Richard Parker from the movie Life of the Pi who after travelling the sea for long time without anything to feed his appetite had suddenly landed on an island filled with Hyenas. He just went on eating as much he could. Radius did gave the additional fuel to my appetite. A new culture of Food Trips had started. Sometimes during office times, sometimes post office. More new places. Variety of food. Too much on the plate. Even when it came to chocolates, we use to have full bottles ordered in office. Office pedistle would always have some or the other snack item as reserve for emergency hunger. I was in the list of those whom to be contacted if food is still pending or some excess has been ordered. Being first corporate job, a whole new world. I was just going with the flow. Didn't think about the consequences. The number of food trips we use to have were always filled with cheese & more cheese. The evening snacks get together filled with Pakoda or Samosas. The birthday celebrations with too much of chocolates in different flavours and not to miss some of the royal birthday treats, the sendoff celebrations, the team parties, the weekend mood celebration and many aivehe celebration. Each and every thing was further adding nails to the coffin one at a time and I wasn't realising anything.
Slowly slowly the body had started showing signs. Face was becoming like a football. Instead of asking for XXL clothing in shops, I had started using the term "Give me the largest size you got". I didn't realize it at the start. For eating and Instgraming had become an important part of my life. But once a while when I re-visited the pictures I use to have that 'What the hell' with eyebrows high and mouth open type reactions. Unfortunately that too didn't distract me from the routine. And the schedule went on.
Then came The Defining Moment. The Real Turnaround or the D-day, you can call it. Company had organised a health check up camp somewhere in July 2016. I didn't had as such any plans to drop by there for I knew there will be many eyebrows on my weight figure. But then group of friends suggested let us give a try. So I lined up just before lunch on that day. The drill was first they were checking your blood sugar level then your Blood pressure. After that you were suppose to stand on the weighing scale for checking your body weight and last was to measure your height. The first two things went pretty smoothly. And I must mention here, people around me were curious to know how much my weight is. That is normal human tendency and with me, the biggest in the arena, curiosity surely increases. Even if I wanted to evade their eyes it wasn't possible inside the small meeting room. So I didn't try that exercise. The moment I stood up on the weighing scale, I knew it will be a new record. Among many, one fear was whether I will exceed the capacity of the machine. The guy checked the scale once it stabilised and said the figure to his peer to note it. By this time, everyone had peeked in and they were aware what my weight was. Though all of them were quiet, but I could see on their faces that they wanted to convey something to me. I didn't know what and how to react. Surely it wasn't something I could flaunt with pride. But couldn't show a sad face at that very moment as if I am feeling bad or something has come up which was totally unexpected. So I chose the option of changing the topic and continuing the conversation.
The weighing scale had clocked 105.
After we were done with the check up, there was another line to discuss the reports of the above mentioned four tests with a consultant. Since it was lunch time we decided to go to the consultant post lunch. There too I was not going to be caught off guard. The moment I entered the meeting room to meet the consultant and handed him the reports, he had a broad smile and eyebrows almost heading towards the sky. With his pen he circled my weight figure. I just looked at him and said, "I know." He calculated my Body Mass Index and it came out to be 31.7, which was way above a normal BMI that should be around 25. This meant a mammoth task of reducing 23-25 kilos was there in front of me if at all I have to achieve the Normal BMI figures. The consultant didn't give me any new things in his list of suggestions, which I didn't know, to implement in my life. Some examples were start walking, jogging, cycling, gyming, cut down junk food etc. I left the room and still had nothing in my head. I was the King Kong in the group that was visible clearly in every picture I clicked, since I was the selfie stick of our group. But now the numerical figure was also out in public display for all. Yet my attitude was casual. The same day when I left home from office with my friend, while walking towards station we had a conversation. It was surely going to be about the health check up and the reports. And it is this conversation which became the cornerstone of one of the most beautiful, challenging, adventurous journey of my life. The journey which restored the confidence back in me, which gave me that winning mentality. A journey which proved to me that only my karma will shape my destiny.
While going through my report my friend only replied, "This is too much, you need to start bringing it down. You have to bring it down. At least start with 2 Kilos per month. That won't be difficult." Well I didn't had much to say at that moment so I replied affirmative by merely nodding my head. My friend further insisted that start something, but you need to do something now to else it will be late.
As I came home I knew by now something had to be done. It is not that someone pointed out so I started the thought process. It was there always. I am not having rice in my diet for almost 6-7 years. And I do go to morning walks occasionally. So I was doing something, even if it was for namesake. Because though I didn't have rice in my diet, I consumed too much calories during the day to negate the benefits of the non rice diet. So now I had to take some hard decisions, chart out huge plans if I had to overcome this huge opponent.
But HOW, was the biggest question. And will I continue the routine. For getting bored very easily is one of my quality. And most important thing that troubled me or rather the phobia which I have is about Results. Will there be any positive results as I want or will the efforts go in vain. All I had on that July 2016 rainy night was plenty of questions with no answers. And such times the best option to choose is Going To Sleep, which I opted on that night too.
Well, I can surely say I did something which is why I have that Title. But the What When How about it if you are interested to know, just Stay Tuned for the next post.
May The Force Be With You !!!
-SR.
